2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
