just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
