Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
