He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
