The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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