I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
