GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Randomize
