apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
