so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
