To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
so much tequila, so little girl.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
