um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
