So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
