Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
