dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
