Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
