Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
