We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
