So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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