Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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