I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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