Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
