Already got asked if we're dating
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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