i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
