this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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