Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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