looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
