i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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