I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
