I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
