the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
