dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
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