im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
