The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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