wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
