we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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