I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
