shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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