I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
