booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
