Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
