38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
