If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
