Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
