well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
