90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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