I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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