she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
