Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
