and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
