Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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