Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
