remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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