he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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